Yeshua the Christ preached, died and rose from the dead by the age of 33 and at the time I was 32, so I had thought it be best if I at least get cracking on my much less grandiose plans toot sweet. Fortunately for me the dream of my life was to at the very least see my name on the cover of a finished novel and that thankfully was right on schedule. I had finished my first novel and it was in the production phase of publication much to my chagrin. At the time I had only planned my life’s ambition to that point and hadn’t really given too much thought to what I intended to do with my life if I ever achieved such a goal. Of course at the time I really didn’t care because the joy of seeing one’s goals come to fruition before one’s very eyes clouds the direction of the future. For a time I suppose this is okay. For a time it is alright to relish in the accomplishments one has made so long as we remember to continue setting goals over the horizon continually. At the time I thought that the dream I had the day I met the Hottest Angel of Death was due in part to my debut novel being on the brain but now I am not so sure. Rather I think it was the other side calling to me with more breadcrumbs to follow throughout the Universe.
It began in a dilapidated two story house with baseboards and brick showing through the drywall underneath the moon light. I, nor my ex-wife, knew where we were because like all dreams, this one never started at the beginning but somewhere in the middle leaving us to figure out just what the hell to do. With her hand in mine we immediately left the house that seemed to be falling down around us and out into some strange city with strained clouds drifting throughout the night. I am now sure that apart of the construct of this dream was the reflection of what, unbeknownst to me on a purely conscious level, was actually happening in the waking world. There were some people walking casually around the city in a cavalier way as if nothing too terribly bad was happening which brought down the tension of wondering where the hell we were and where the hell we were supposed to be going. Up ahead, above some buildings, we could see the reflection of multicolored lights dancing on the clouds from below. It seemed logical that in a dream that was supposed to be black and white, that going towards color would seem to be the appropriate destination. I pulled my ex-wife with me to the source of the light which seemed to be some sort of city square as we turned the final corner of the cobblestone streets. Placed in no particular order all over the city square were pillows and rugs which seemed to be immaculately designed by either Hindus or Muslims for the purpose of meditation or prayer. There was very little visible street to be seen in the sea of fabric in addition to a complete lack of people. The place of worship or meditation was completely vacant with the exception of me and the ex-wife. In the dream I don’t recall a single word being exchanged between us but it was silently decided that at this place the two of us should part ways and with no more than a nod, she left me in the square.
It was only after I was alone that I was able to see that all of the pillows and rugs seemed to be directed to the East of the city where there stood four giant columns in a semi-circle, the kind you would see on the Parthenon. Once this was in my view the source of the multicolored light that had bounced off the clouds became clear. It was a giant screen curved behind the columns like an IMAX theatre, which in a dream didn’t seem too odd at all. What was peculiar was the image being shown on the screen. Right away I knew that the beautiful woman I was seeing adorned in precious jewels and fabric was none other than the Goddess Kali, the counterpart to the God Shiva. Though on the screen Kali was dancing alone; there was no Shiva in sight. Yet this Goddess on the screen seemed to be looking down at me as she performed her rhythmic dance to the sound of strings, drums and finger cymbals. What made the appearance of Kali even more profound to me was that she was identical to a character from the novel I had written; young, vibrant with dark hair, eyes and skin. When this particular character had revealed herself to me in my mind’s eye more than a year prior I remember thinking that she reminded me of a shorter, younger Rosario Dawson. That is about as close as I can come to describing her, though that description itself surely misses the mark of the face I see in my mind.
Now when this character had come to me I did seem very drawn to her as I believed to be bringing her to life on the blank page, though now I am not so sure she was entirely a figment of my imagination. And here she was in a different world and a different time brought to life with a will of her own and this time dancing in the shell of a Goddess. I am not sure when but at some point I was no longer having the dream in the third person, where I could see myself outside of myself. Rather I was seeing everything from my own eyes as it was happening. After this the entire periphery of the dream faded and all I could see from one horizon to the other were the seductive eyes of the mesmerizing dark skinned Kali. I could feel my very being melting into her gaze as if it were the primordial waters my very spirit had once emerged from a long, long time ago. Something was about to happen, something profound and splendid and wonderful and…and…and…I woke up. For fucks sake, why did I have to wake up? There I was about to get the revelation of my existence from a figment of my imagination who also happened to be hot and I have to go and wake up on my couch beside my …oh yeah…my wife. I’m married. ‘Well this is awkward’ I thought as the dream began to fold itself back up and tuck itself away into the file folders of my mind. My soon to be ex-wife was waking up the same moment I was with a perplexed look on her face. Before the two of us rolled out of the couch she mumbled a little bit about a dream she was having with the two of us and some girl in it. When I asked her to describe the girl there was no doubt that it was the same one who had acted out Kali in mine. Now this was getting rather interesting.
The entire drive to work down the interstate to some back woods town would be completely occupied with the images I had seen in my sleep state. The dance of Kali had been so vibrant and alive that the images had burned themselves within my eyelids. My left brain wanted me to put it to the side and label it with “just a dream” but at this point on my spiritual journey I knew that would be a very foolish endeavor indeed. As I drove I attempted to get my mind off of it and do an inventory of my vitamin filled pill kit. As I scanned it over I knew I was running a little low on my DMAE and put a mental post it note to stop by the vitamin shop after work; which is exactly what I did five or six hours later after rolling back into the town I reside within. As I put the car in park I didn’t know what to expect going in. It had been some visits to the vitamin shop since the gatekeeper, Aiden, had revealed through his eyes that either he or an entity using his meat puppet body was not exactly a human being. The visits in between had gone off without incident so there was really no way to predict if I was destined for another peek into the metaphysical or not. Stopping at this place was simply a roll of the dice each time I crossed the threshold of the door.
You may be thinking to yourself ‘If I had met some reptilian entity inhabiting the body of an old man running a vitamin shop that has a striking resemblance to both Pope Benedict as well as Emperor Palpatine, there is no way in Hades I would ever give my repeat business’ and you would probably be wise in that line of thinking. Don’t get me wrong, that line of thinking had crossed my mind as well but as we all know there is a saying about curious cats and if there is anything I have ever been known to do it is see how far I can push my limits in any endeavor I put my mind to. It’s not because I’m trying to tempt fate; it’s because I want fate to have my babies. The moment I stepped inside I took an immediate left to where my supplements of choice were typically stocked. I had envisioned going right to them, grabbing them and making my way back to the counter to pay so I could briskly be on my way home to enjoy some silent mediation before Red got home. Seemed like simple enough goals but little did I know or expect that this particular day fate had something in store for me and no longer than it took me to get two feet from my DMAE, she came floating around the corner.
She was slightly shorter than me, shining black hair just above her shoulders. Her skin was the color of a beach just before dusk that the wind had blown over leaving nothing but the smoothest of surfaces. The curves of her face were perfectly chiseled by the Gods from the top of her brow to the point of her chin. The smile upon her face was something the Sun itself would rise to see each morning, jealous that its brightness was no match for the brightness beaming from this young woman’s face; yet still unable to deny its infatuation with her. Below her left eye was a tiny beauty mark that drew attention to the shape of her eyes which were more of Asian design than Hispanic. Once my full attention was drawn to them I knew my soul was pulled into the quicksand of her eyes and in only a matter of seconds all of me was consumed round about. I was in the grip of something I had never experienced in the lifetime I was living, yet at the same time I suddenly had the overwhelming “knowing” that I had found something very precious that I had lost eons ago. Instantly a voice in my chest whispered out into the air saying ‘I know you. I have known you since the beginning of time’ and at the time I didn’t know if the words drifted off my lips or not. As she drew closer and only the space of two feet were between us the dark eyed young woman greeted me and the most profound thing happened within me. From my root chakra all the way to my crown I felt a forceful pull upwards and the wheels within me began to spin like hurricanes of peace. From behind my eyes I could feel a gentle yet tangible pulse that seemed to want to pull me closer and closer to this stranger that seemed anything but a stranger in my core. Suddenly all I could hear in my mind was “Jigsaw falling into place. So there is nothing to explain. You eye each other as you pass. She looks back and you look back. Not just once. Not just twice. Wish away your nightmare. Wish away the nightmare. You’ve got the light you can feel it on your back. A light you can feel it on your back. Jigsaw falling into place.” And that is when it struck me that the person I was looking at was the character I had envisioned from my novel as well as the solitary dancing Kali I had been mesmerized by in my dream that very morning.
She had already spoken but having been in the midst of the rearranging of my consciousness from that present moment, backwards in time to lives gone by as well as flung into the future to lives I had only dreamt of, I was at a loss as to what she said. I needed to quickly regain my wits and return to the time and place where my attention was most needed and that required breaking eye contact. The first place my eyes of blue-grey shot to was the name tag on her apron. Once I had done that I made the calculated decision that what she had said was probably something along the lines of “Can I help you find anything today?”
“Oh, I don’t think so, Iris. I just came in to grab some DMAE.” I managed to spit out without it seeming obvious that the very sight of her had just turned my entire world upside down.
“I take a lot of brain supplements too! But that’s because I’m a little too right brained.” She said as she scrunched up her face so her nose wrinkled up.
I don’t know what it was about the animation of her face coupled with the mannerisms of her hands but I could feel my head tilt ever so slightly to the right as the corner of my mouth followed suit. I was suddenly spellbound at having met for the first time someone that spoke the same language as me and did so unabashedly without regard to the fear of being thought of as insane.
“Right brained,” I uttered in a melodic tone “…I like that.”
It had been my intention to keep those words in my mind but this time I heard them come off of my lips and saw on her face that she had heard them as her response was a warm smile. Then, almost as if something had suddenly occurred to her, she snapped from her casual demeanor to a more excited one and reached for a bottle on the shelf beside us.
“Oh! You know what you need?! You need to get some of this adrenal essence supplement. It’s really great for your adrenal glands and really enhances your meditation, especially for astral travel. My boyfriend swears by it.” She said as she placed it in my hands.
In an instant, thousands of lifetimes of painful jealousy bubbled up inside of me and a despair one should never know came to the center of my heart in a stabbing sensation at the notion that someone I had lost lifetimes ago was now presently standing before me and some asshole out there had the nerve to be dating her. But then again…I was married. That fact had completely evaporated the moment I saw Iris but now it came rushing back and I had an internal moment of scolding myself. I had never been unfaithful to my wife nor put myself in a position to where the temptation would even be able to creep in. Sure I acknowledged beauty from time to time but quickly turned my head before a sliver of lust could overtake my thoughts. Perhaps I had too much of my Father’s morals in that regard but nevertheless the idea of being married and still keeping other women open as an option was something that just left a bad taste in my mouth. Thinking back I am sure that one or two young chickadoos had attempted to flirt with me a time or two while married but I would have been oblivious to it. I had to think for a moment if this seemingly random meeting with Iris that had produced an involuntary attraction with the force of planets was infidelity. After all, I took vows before an all-powerful God and that was something I took very seriously. Was it a sin for me to have this inner “knowing” that the young woman standing in front of me at some point in time had indeed been my wife? That being the case, did that mean that in fact by getting married in a much later life I was being unfaithful to Iris in some way? You can see how questions of morality combined with reincarnation can easily cause a nose bleed at the least or create a universe ending space-time paradox at the most can’t you? All of these thoughts swirled in my head like a tempest in a teapot until a more pressing and present question came forth to save my mind from tearing in two.
“How did you know I meditate and practice astral projection?” I asked.
Iris smiled and gently lifted her hand to my chest where her fingers jingled the charms hanging from the chain around my neck, which at that time held the eyes of Ra, Isis, Horus and the Key to the Universe.
“Because I know you” She said “I know exactly how you think.”
Those simple words did something to me that had never been done before. They finally made me feel …no…they finally made me know that I was not alone in the world. There was someone else that could see beyond the veil. Up until that moment I had felt isolated and unknown in my own mind, afraid if I ever let the filters from my thoughts to my mouth completely come off I would end up in the funny farm. Sometimes living inside my head felt like those around me had placed a vice grip around my throat, ashamed of the things I said and afraid of what I might say if they didn’t have that vice grip somewhat restricting my free speech. I cannot tell you how many times so called family and friends would snap at me for the things I would dare to verbalize from countless hours of pontificating or quote from a myriad of books they would see burned while claiming they were all written by the devil. And yet standing before me was a character from my imagination that had managed to break into my dreams and finally into the material world outside of myself to say a handful of words that finally, at long last, made me feel free.
When Iris withdrew her hand I couldn’t help but find the irony of the tattoo on her wrist. It was ivy laced around a peace sign. Having learned to see signs, symbols and omens as guidance from the Universe, the image of the peace sign on someone who certainly exuded it to me was not something that could be ignored.
“So if I take this stuff it’ll help out with my meditation huh?” I said, glancing down over the label.
“Yes. It’ll take you to a whole new level, especially if you take it with the DMAE.” She answered.
“Sold. Thank you, Iris.” I said.
“Oh and you really need to do something about your liver and that high cholesterol. That could cause you a lot of problems down the road if you don’t do something about it now.” She chimed.
‘Holy shit!’ I thought. There was no doubt that after years of being an alcoholic my liver was probably not on speaking terms with me, and as a matter of fact I had been on a mini-fast for the past week or two eating only boiled eggs in the morning on the way to work. But how in the absolute fuck did she know that? Of course I had no intention of ruining this pleasant exchange with verbalizing the words ‘absolute fuck’ so I opted to use the PG rating of my query.
“Because, I can see it in your eyes. Come here.” She said as she led me to the left wall of the store.
Affixed above was a chart of the human eye labeled ‘iridology’ and on it was the breakdown of how to diagnose the entire body in accordance with the appearance of a person’s eyes. All of what I saw was Greek to me and while I am sure that it took a lot of study and memorization to instantly be able to assess a person by their eyes; I simply chalked up her amazing ability to magic. I didn’t want to understand how she did it; I didn’t want the intimate knowledge that could take away the awe of what she had done. Usually I craved knowledge like a drug and would consume all that I could but for some reason, in this case I simply wanted to remain ignorant as to the method behind the magic. Iris sat down on a nearby step stool and crossed her ankles, smiling like a little girl as she pointed up to the chart.
“You see? It’s all right there.” She said before waving her hands around her eyes “Everything is all right here.”
“Yeah, I suppose you’re right.” I responded.
There was a long pause again as our eyes connected and drew smiles of familiarity and a feeling of the long lost piecing together of parts that had been separated eternities ago. This time though I didn’t want it to last long enough to forget that I was married so I let her know I had better pay for what I had before she sold me anything else. Turning to the counter I saw at the register one of the regular cashiers, a young black woman with her hair in braids and an onk amulet around her neck. I was starting to notice a lot of Egyptian iconography these days, almost everywhere I looked. I didn’t know if this was because as of late I had been taking a considerable interest in the topic and it was programming my mind to see it everywhere or if suddenly people around me were also having the same type of obsession with all things Egyptian.
“Is this gonna be all today, Daniel?” Caribbean asked as I set my supplements on the counter.
“I think this is going to do it today, yeah.” I replied.
As Caribbean rang my total up Iris joined her behind the counter and began to sort through pamphlets and paperwork and I did my best not to stare as she moved through the air with grace.
“Hey Iris, this is the guy I was telling you about that comes in talking about politics and conspiracy stuff all the time.” She said over her shoulder then back to address me, “She’s been wanting to get involved with some of the things you are always talking about when you come in.”
“Really? Well you know the activists around here could use as much help as we can get so we would be glad to have anyone willing to join us.” I said.
Iris seemed to perk up as Caribbean briefly explained that I was a political activist and wrote for a few websites about politics and spirituality. The topic of everything from chem-trails to the smart grid manipulating people’s thoughts and emotions were briefly touched upon and it quickly became apparent that Iris needed no education to any of it. This too was yet another astounding thing to me because typically I was always having to fill people in on the basics before I could go into the deeper things that are going on in the world and often this took quite some time. I try not to let it frustrate me when the majority of the people are too interested in the latest reality t.v. show to actually do research but sometimes it can feel like pulling teeth so to have someone actually be able to finish my sentences without needing to explain it was quite the breath of fresh air. Before I departed the vitamin shop with my goods, Caribbean suggested that Iris should invite me to a center nearby that did group meditation and studied the world’s scripture through a metaphysical lens. This came as quite a shock to me due in part to me feeling as if I was the only one in a thousand mile radius that did such thing before I had walked into the vitamin shop that day.
“Write down the name and address of the place if you don’t mind. I like to do my research on things before I jump into them, you know?” I asked.
After Iris scribbled down my request I said my farewell and made my exit. I sat in the car for a minute and exhaled as much as I could before turning the key. I had no idea what had just transpired in that place and furthermore had no idea what was going to happen after having come to the definitive realization that was beyond believing that I had most certainly lived and died before. The incident with 0110 had most certainly given me head knowledge but Iris had just given me a dose of heart knowledge. As I drove home I knew that no matter what I had to at least tell my wife what had happened, mostly because Iris had been in both of our dreams that morning and secondly because I never wanted to hide anything from my wife. Of course the only little tid-bit I would have to leave out was the fact that I happened to have been married to this young woman that had just dumbfounded me with her mind, spirit and abilities. Yeah, that wasn’t going to fly over too well with a woman who thought reincarnation was just a bunch of nonsense and was liable to go all ginger snaps on me if there was any indication in my description that there was an attraction to this former life-wife. So when I relayed to her that another metaphysical event had just occurred to me at the same place, only this time with a young woman, I was a little confused that it drew absolutely no reaction from Red. Finding this a little odd, my intuition told me to see how far I could push this before a reaction was warranted.
“Well sweetheart, you know I’ve been wanting the two of us to meditate together and all and I know you think it’s strange but Iris invited me to go this center in Byron where they do group meditation and I was thinking we should go. She kind of described it like a church only a church for people like me. You know, people who are bizarre.” I said.
Red never looked up from the book she was looking at. It seemed as if she had no interest whatsoever as to what I was saying.
“How about you go check it out and let me know what it’s like. That way I can consider it because you know I’m not comfortable with all the weird stuff. I’m really not comfortable that you have tarot cards in the house so something like that…I just don’t know.” She replied.
I thought for a moment. Did she just not understand what I was saying or did she simply not care? I had just told her this story about an incredible young lady that just so happened to be interested in all the things I was interested in, has an incredible mind, a solicitous soul and was able to pinpoint what was wrong with my body by gazing deeply into my eyes. Now granted I didn’t add into my narrative that this young woman was as picturesque as something that had come from Michael Turner’s pen, but still the idea of me going somewhere without Red where a woman I was quite clearly impressed by should have elicited much more of a response from a wife that use to punch me if someone of the opposite sex so much as walked in front of my field of vision. This was damned peculiar indeed. Now, while my wife had been a little too extreme in her jealousy during our relationship, I can say that at least it assured me that she was in love with me and wanted me all to herself and that was nice for my ego I suppose. Yet this new attitude in conjunction with her falling asleep early without nearly as much interest in intimacy as she once had as of late was no doubt chipping away at my self-esteem little by little. I had made the decision not to bring these things to a discussion and simply chalked it up to her having come off birth control. Surely her hormones were all out of whack and that was what had to be the root of these changes…right? Of course because there couldn’t have been any other explanation…could there have?
I went into my office and began searching online for information regarding this place Iris had invited me to and by the looks of it the joint was my kind of place. Needless to say I looked forward to the coming weekend so I could meet more freaks like me. The idea of meditating with others for the first time without my wife present was a little concerning though and I wondered if doing such a thing would bring about psychic links with those around me. Oh well, there is nothing to fear but fear itself as they say. Since I had started out on my spiritual journey the Universe had made sure to keep its promise and guide me with the breadcrumbs of omens thus far so this was no time to turn back. As far as I was concerned it was now the decision of the Universe that I somehow clear my past karma in order to evolve and apparently that meant I had to remember my past lives. I was confident in the feeling that the person who was sent to unlock the memories in my mind was Iris and just because we might have been married in both our first incarnations, that didn’t necessarily mean we were destined to pick up where we left off so long ago, now did it? Perhaps it was just better if I thought of her more as an angel than a former spouse meant to guide and assist me; after all in this life I had said something that sounded like “Till death do us part.” Ironically enough, a month later I would be dead.
A SONG TO PLAY US OUT…