Jehovah’s Witnesses and the Cult of Maybe Later



HAVE YE NOT READ? (a reading of the following article)


Recently I was exiting a store with a very large bottle of water, when outside I was stopped by two older women who by all accounts seemed nice enough to me. They wanted a few minutes of my time so they could share with me their belief system, which in this instance just so happened to be the perspective of reality that is experienced by Jehovah’s Witnesses. A quick flashback to my early 20’s came rushing back when I was a Baptist Apologist and knew the doctrines and literature of the Christian Cults better than the cult members themselves. You see as an apologist I was trained to riddle the beliefs of other groups like a mini-gun within moments in order to save their very souls by way of the gospel of Jesus Christ that I happened to be comfortable with at the time. It was incumbent upon me to logically hogtie people in other camps until they repented and left the institution that had them by the short hairs if there was any chance of their eternal souls not burning in Hell for all of eternity. Believe me when I say that I was very good at what I did. With a little age and wisdom under my belt I have been able to bring the ambition of sparring faiths with others from a boiling point to safely below simmer on the stove of my life’s goals. To be honest with you I have exactly two fucks to give anymore and the thing is I owe one to my imaginary girlfriend and the other I am saving for a rainy day. So long as you keep your faith like your car; in your lane and not veering into mine, you can listen to whatever the hell you want to on the radio.


Knowing that most people probably skirt past them in a hurry or ignore them altogether, I figured it would probably swell their Jehovah’s hearts with excitement if they saw the cork on the fishing rod of their faith bob up and down for a few ripples in an otherwise fruitless spring afternoon. I smiled and nodded as they went through the whole speech leading up to the whipping out of the Watchtower Magazine and an invite to their kingdom hall the following week to watch bread and wine get passed around but not consumed. Unless you happen to be one of the 144,000; if you happen to be one of those fortunate cats then lunch is on the J-Dubs you lucky sumbitch. Now admittedly I have never been to one of these ceremonies at a kingdom hall and am certainly not opposed to showing up for the sake of science. As a writer I tend to be an observer by nature so to tell you the truth I get a kick out of going to places with a flippant and detached attitude sometimes.


I asked them a few questions  knowing full well that if they did persuade my vanity to show up there would be no doubt that as the plate and cup passed to me I would so eat those crackers and wash it down with the juice because if you tell me there is an elite class in your religion I nominate myself as a member by default. Know thyself man, and you will know the worlds and their gods. When that little discussion was over we spittered back and forth about the magic shell game played by the Vatican over the past few centuries to which the J-Dubs and I are in complete agreement. Anyone who is in the business of belief for any given amount of time pretty much knows that the biggest magic trick on history and the minds of mankind originate from the papacy and the system that support it. I am not saying they are the only trickster out there because as it stands all organized religions that I know of are mimicking the game of mind control beat by beat with the Catholic Church. There is a god outside of you somewhere that gets its kicks by hiding from you and dangling the threat of punishment or annihilation unless you commit to It by way of epic Indian whispers that presume to tell you exactly how to worship said god. Your very soul depends on a game of hide and seek and you my dear reader are IT.


All I had to do was drop a generic line about the catholic system and these two ladies jumped all over it and began to go over every distortion to the bible and orthodox Christianity made by the pope and his cronies since Constantine got the ball rolling way back when. This of course allowed them to steam roll straight to the fact that all governments are corrupt and one day Jehovah was going to lovingly blow the living hell out of them and anyone connected to them up or something because they didn’t call him by a specific name or go to a place of worship that had this name on the side of the building rather than that name on the side of the building. All western religions do this sort of thing because it appeals to a person’s nature to want to be with the in crowd that has a super special secret that no one else knows. It doesn’t matter if it’s the Mormons, the Baptists, the seventh day Adventists or the Jehovah’s witnesses; the story is always basically the same. There should be a First Church of Arnold Schwarzenegger because at least their marketing slogan would be the same as all the others with the exception of not beating around the bush. The members of the First Church of Arnold Schwarzenegger wouldn’t come knocking on your door and give you a ham handed pitch like “Have you accepted the Lord Jesus Christ as your personal savior?”, “Have you prayed about the book of Mormon?” or “Do you know what God’s true name is?”. They would simply pump a shot gun and say “Come with me if you want to live” just before they roared off on a motorcycle with some Guns and Roses blasting. That kind of approach would at least be a little more straightforward and honest if you ask me.


Out of curiosity though, just before I excused myself, I did ask (and genuinely so) how long they had been Jehovah’s Witnesses and what convinced them to join the Watchtower organization. Both rattled off a handful of years but both answered the why part the same. They told me that at a point in their life when they were already seeking spiritual answers a member of the Watchtower gave them answers to the questions they had. They told themselves that they would listen and believe this person so long as the questions continued to be answered and that was simply what held them to the organized religion they happened to be in. Now while they just so happen to get their answers in the local kingdom hall, the formula works the same across the board. Now don’t get me wrong, I have no intention to bash the J-Dubs at all. I happen to think that for the most part they are pretty swell people like anyone else stuck in religion. But the answer they gave as to why they were brought in to their religion is the very reason I will never be a Jehovah’s Witness. I have sat across the table and doorstep of many veteran J-Dubs with only a couple of questions that they have never been able to provide answers for, rather a promise of getting back to me only never to be seen again.


The first one is pretty straightforward and I usually ask it after a speech regarding the evil of the papacy and world governments and it is this: If you guys have such a bad taste in your mouth regarding the Vatican and the government why is all your shit printed by Watch Tower Bible and Tract Society INCORPORATED? It’s not that I disagree with your views on the whore of Babylon there guys, it’s just than when I break up with a chick it’s kind of a given that her in between the sheets privileges are pretty much revoked. Yet to this day we find that with every issue of The Watchtower passed out, the Jehovah’s Witnesses and Bab’s are still sport fuckin’. You won’t get a genuine explanation for that little factoid because even most people outside of religion don’t understand the origin or extension of the corporation and its strings that go straight to the city on seven hills.


The second question is a little more technical and it has to do with the person commonly known as Jesus Christ (I call the guy Yeshua because we go way back and all but call him what you want). The clear reading of the bible will tell you that Jesus Christ is in fact God in the flesh. If you pick the book up and read it from cover to cover there is no wiggle room that the protagonist of the entire story is …wait for it…God in a person suit! And it gets better because that person suit God was wearing happened to teach that all of us are God wearing person suits too! Now this is a big anathema to the doctrines of Charles Taze Russell, their founder, because he taught that Jesus was in fact not God wearing a person suit. Rather he was actually the archangel Michael and not a creationless being but a created entity. The idea of a trinity is completely thrown away as well as the notion of him having been crucified on a cross and the super neato trick of resurrecting bodily, which I always thought was a highlight of the original story but for some reason the J-Dub editors wanted to cut that scene out of their reboot. The main thing here to keep in mind is that Jehovah’s Witnesses will fight you tooth and nail on their belief that Jesus Christ was not and is not God. After having the Jehovah’s Witness I am questioning make it absolutely clear that’s what they believe I flip my Bible open to their favorite book, Revelation.


I have them read chapter 1 verse 8 out loud which says “I am Alpha and Omega, the beginning and the ending, saith the Lord, which is, and which was, and which is to come, The Almighty” which they do happily. Then I have them read verse 11 which says “Saying, I am Alpha and Omega, the first and the last: and, what thou seest, write in a book…” and that too they read happily. If I have time I take them all over the book of the Revelation where the terms Alpha and Omega or First and Last pop up and ask them plainly who it is that is speaking in those verses. You see, even in their New World Translation there is no getting away from this because they will tell you every single time that the person referring to themselves as the Alpha and the Omega or the First and the Last is indeed Jehovah, God. And they are 100% correct. Only God can be that with no beginning nor end but the problem you see is that the entire foundation of their beliefs is built on the denial that Jesus Christ is God. Finally I have them read verse 17 and 18 which goes “And when I saw him, I fell at his feet as dead. And he laid his right hand upon me, saying unto me, Fear not; I AM THE FIRST AND THE LAST: I AM HE THAT LIVETH AND WAS DEAD; AND BEHOLD I AM ALIVE FOR EVERMORE, AMEN.”After a subtle smile I typically lean into their territorial bubble and ask softly; “When did Jehovah die?” which gives birth to the most silent mic drop you will ever not hear in your life.


Did I do this with the two older ladies inviting me to their Jesus is not God gathering down at the kingdom hall? Nope. I really didn’t see a point to tell you the truth. I just maintained a friendly conversation with them, agreed where I could and dodged where I couldn’t to keep civility circulating. I got nuthin’ to convert em to, gang. I simply asked “Hey, is standing out here all day under such a beautiful sky talking about your faith fulfilling to you? Does it make you happy?” and both of them assured me they were most certainly fulfilled and happy. Before exiting stage right I said “Keep it up then” and with a wink I was gone.


Religion begins where questions stop. When a fellow traveler ceases to ask questions about themselves and the nature of existence they will ultimately find themselves in one religion or the other. Once you find yourself in a gaggle of a group that says they have it all figured out then you can pretty much bet you are booking passage on the ship of fools who have a course plotted to somewhere always over the horizon. It will always be some day in the future when you get your goodies from whatever God you serve. Pie in the sky but only when you die…or everyone else does first. Religious dogma is like a carrot tied to a stick that is duct taped on top of your head while you are playing a never-ending game of hop scotch. No matter how far or fast you hop that carrot will always be just out of reach and mocking you as it bobs up and down. Be it the infamous rapture of the protestants, the paradise on Earth of the Watchtower or the white-ification of the whole Universe by the Mormons; whatever grand finale they say is gonna happen is always…later.


Congratulations! You just so happened to miss living in the timeframe their messiahs actually walked the planet so you could know for yourself what they actually taught, and you didn’t make the cut for coming into existence just as paradise or heaven is happening currently; rather you came into being somewhere in the middle and have the benefit of having to depend on the experiences of others to trust and adopt as your own. Aren’t you just the apple of God’s eye? And you had better not disagree with those second hand experiences and beliefs because if you do there will be no pudding for you. And don’t think for one second all you new age “Light Workin’” motherfuckers are off the leash with this one either. I can see you back there ducking and shit.


Go to YouTube or any new age web guru that channels some archangel, the galactic federation of ice cream sprinkles or Metatron and you will find the same amount of milligrams of bullshit in their prescription too. There is always some shift coming, some ascension coming, or some soul mate coming…but not really because they never show up. That was clever what I did right there, did you get it? Anyway, the new age charlatans are painting the same picture by numbers as mainstream religion in that they are distracting the seekers out there away from the only true paradise of peace that can ever be and that is the present tense. They get you going insane trying to uncover the true history of all that is so you won’t freak out too terribly much of the future of all that is and nowhere in all of that do you get a chance to stop and look around where you are actually at. The reason the ruling elite can never be found is because they live in the one place others won’t move to and that is right now. It is with their conscious mindfulness of the present moment they are able to create, shape and manipulate the world around anyone bipolar in time. That being said, beliefs are both shackles as much as they are the key to freedom. You see if those two women were being honest with me, and at that moment in time they were happy and fulfilled like they said; then what need would there be for me to try and yank them out of that? If it was true only they can know but I am content to take their word for it and be about my business of being happy and fulfilled as a non-Jehovah’s Witness.


I don’t feel it is my place to answer questions I am not asked. As a matter of fact I find it useful to not answer many questions I am asked. Ultimately a soul signature is going to experience the fate they want one way or another and when they get bored with it they will just choose another reality and on and on. When a soul comes into my experience desiring to walk a mile with mine I may allow them to walk two but I don’t make the mistake of forgetting that some paths meet, some paths cross, some paths part and some run parallel all the way around and throughout; but at the end of the day we each have our own. I haven’t played tug-o-war since I was at field day in elementary school when I was a kid, and there’s a reason for that. Seeing my might yank someone else into a muddy ditch just isn’t all that appealing to me.


If you must believe in things rather than know things, by all means, have at it. Just make sure that the things you believe make you happy, fulfilled and at peace with your fellow travelers out here right now, in this moment. Because make no mistake, the Nuluminati are watching and are very much in control. So I leave you with this; Come with me if you want to live.



About D.L. Crumpton 59 Articles
Daniel Louis Crumpton, author of the groundbreaking novel Then Came the Flood (Westbow Press), has written extensively since his debut in 2012 in the areas of philosophy, spirituality, alternative history and politics with a complete lack of reverence or dogmatism that those areas often demand. His writing has been featured on ZENINTHECAR.COM, OCHELLI.COM, THE LIBERTYBEACON.COM, DOWNLOADEDCONTENT.COM amongst many others. His views, ideas, insights and humorous perspectives on current social and political issues have been heard on internationally and nationally syndicated radio broadcasts such as Ground Zero with Clyde Lewis, Lighting the Void with Joe Rupe, The Ochelli Effect with Chuck Ochelli, The Vinny Eastwood Show and soon Coast to Coast with George Noory. Daniel Louis Crumpton’s ongoing experimental, introspective and conscious streamed writings, podcasts, videos and interviews can be found collected at DOWNLOADEDCONTENT.COM.

1 Comment

Leave a Reply

Your email address will not be published.